How To: Set Rules

I feel like self restraint is often one of the most difficult things in life to achieve. The trick with self restraint is that, most often, you're only accountable to yourself and only you know if you've been dishonest, cheated, or bent the rules a little too far in your own favor. If you're setting rules, guidelines, edge markers, whatever for yourself you are the only one who really knows when those stipulations have been broken. It's easy to give yourself a pass. It's simple to say "Just this once." It seems common to make an excuse and dress it up as a well though justification of circumstances. Rules, despite what the world might tell you, were not  meant to be broken. They're established by ourselves and our peers to keep order, to maintain control, and to keep us safe from ourselves.

But how do we set rules?


The answer: Set the bar high but not too high. Find the line, your limit, the point of no return, and then set the standard a little above it. If you're on a diet and can resist sweets at breakfast and dinner but not lunch, then stretch above what you know you can do and set the rule a little higher. Don't have them at any of the three meals. If you know you're prone to falling into toxic relationships and know you can resist dating then limit yourself to who you're talking to romantically and be upfront with the person. If you know that you shouldn't watch more than two hours of tv a night limit yourself to just one. You'll find that when you set your rules a little higher than what you can do your actions shift and your higher standard slowly but surely changes from a could do into a can do and finally into a did do.

The end game here is this: set your goals, your rules, your standards a little higher than what  you know you are already capable of achieving and soon enough your abilities will stretch and you will be made better. Set a rule, don't make excuses, hold yourself accountable, and you will succeed in life.

How To: Feel Like Home

Being stationed in Daegu, South Korea I am, depending on who you ask, between seven and eight thousand miles away from my loved ones. Family, friends, that cute bartender... yep, away from all of them. While I find myself to be completely self relient, non-dependent on family, and strong there are moments when sitting in a coffee shop, plugging away on the computer at work, or walking down a crowded Korean market that I feel completely alone and homesick. It doesn't happen very often. I've found that there's a fine line between being homesick and being nostalgic and appreciative of who you have, no matter where those people are. The fine line that defines the difference between the two exists in self pity that you either have or don't have for yourself. I prefer not to take pity and instead I try to appreciate who I have and remember that they're only an email, a phone call, or a greeting card's distance away.

So how do you make it feel like home?


You simply nest, you set in roots, and you bring home with you wherever you go. I try to make my apartment feel like home by displaying pictures, hand made things from my sister, and quilts by my mother and grandmother. It's little visual cues from home that make me feel that much closer to the ones I love. The best way to make it feel like home is to invite those you care about into your home... digitally. Skype is an amazing tool for connecting and reaching out vast distances. In one day I've skyped people in Europe, the United States, Hawaii, and South Korea. Skype is a gateway that brings me into your home and you into mine; it closes the gap and brings two hearts and minds just that much closer together. Recently I was lucky enough to have what I called a "skype marathon" where I spent almost an entire day talking to various friends and family members back home. Despite being seven thousand miles and several time zones away I felt like I was home for the day. I felt like I had just had a mini welcome home party and was lucky to have some quality conversations and share in some goofiness with those I'm close to. So you want to make it feel like home? You want to stop feeling homesick? Get on skype, write out a card, send a message... reach out! Don't take pity on yourself, instead, remember that you have those who love you and those you love. That feeling will be enough to shake away the chill of self pity and bring about the warm embrace of love.