How To: Set Rules

I feel like self restraint is often one of the most difficult things in life to achieve. The trick with self restraint is that, most often, you're only accountable to yourself and only you know if you've been dishonest, cheated, or bent the rules a little too far in your own favor. If you're setting rules, guidelines, edge markers, whatever for yourself you are the only one who really knows when those stipulations have been broken. It's easy to give yourself a pass. It's simple to say "Just this once." It seems common to make an excuse and dress it up as a well though justification of circumstances. Rules, despite what the world might tell you, were not  meant to be broken. They're established by ourselves and our peers to keep order, to maintain control, and to keep us safe from ourselves.

But how do we set rules?


The answer: Set the bar high but not too high. Find the line, your limit, the point of no return, and then set the standard a little above it. If you're on a diet and can resist sweets at breakfast and dinner but not lunch, then stretch above what you know you can do and set the rule a little higher. Don't have them at any of the three meals. If you know you're prone to falling into toxic relationships and know you can resist dating then limit yourself to who you're talking to romantically and be upfront with the person. If you know that you shouldn't watch more than two hours of tv a night limit yourself to just one. You'll find that when you set your rules a little higher than what you can do your actions shift and your higher standard slowly but surely changes from a could do into a can do and finally into a did do.

The end game here is this: set your goals, your rules, your standards a little higher than what  you know you are already capable of achieving and soon enough your abilities will stretch and you will be made better. Set a rule, don't make excuses, hold yourself accountable, and you will succeed in life.

How To: Feel Like Home

Being stationed in Daegu, South Korea I am, depending on who you ask, between seven and eight thousand miles away from my loved ones. Family, friends, that cute bartender... yep, away from all of them. While I find myself to be completely self relient, non-dependent on family, and strong there are moments when sitting in a coffee shop, plugging away on the computer at work, or walking down a crowded Korean market that I feel completely alone and homesick. It doesn't happen very often. I've found that there's a fine line between being homesick and being nostalgic and appreciative of who you have, no matter where those people are. The fine line that defines the difference between the two exists in self pity that you either have or don't have for yourself. I prefer not to take pity and instead I try to appreciate who I have and remember that they're only an email, a phone call, or a greeting card's distance away.

So how do you make it feel like home?


You simply nest, you set in roots, and you bring home with you wherever you go. I try to make my apartment feel like home by displaying pictures, hand made things from my sister, and quilts by my mother and grandmother. It's little visual cues from home that make me feel that much closer to the ones I love. The best way to make it feel like home is to invite those you care about into your home... digitally. Skype is an amazing tool for connecting and reaching out vast distances. In one day I've skyped people in Europe, the United States, Hawaii, and South Korea. Skype is a gateway that brings me into your home and you into mine; it closes the gap and brings two hearts and minds just that much closer together. Recently I was lucky enough to have what I called a "skype marathon" where I spent almost an entire day talking to various friends and family members back home. Despite being seven thousand miles and several time zones away I felt like I was home for the day. I felt like I had just had a mini welcome home party and was lucky to have some quality conversations and share in some goofiness with those I'm close to. So you want to make it feel like home? You want to stop feeling homesick? Get on skype, write out a card, send a message... reach out! Don't take pity on yourself, instead, remember that you have those who love you and those you love. That feeling will be enough to shake away the chill of self pity and bring about the warm embrace of love.

How To: Make Peach Cobbler

So again, here comes another practical application post, but as I just made this for Thanksgiving and LOVE this dish, I thought I'd share.

Ingredients:
4 cups of peeled sliced peaches
2 cups sugar, divided
8 tbsp butter
1/2 cup water
1 1/2 cups self rising flour
1 1/2 cups milk
1 tbsp cinnamon
3 tbsp brown sugar

Preheat the oven to 350 dg/f, once warmed, place pan inside with butter to melt.

Mix peaches, 1 cup sugar, and water in a pot on the stove over medium heat. Continue to stir on medium heat until the peaches are soft and the sugar and water have created a natural syrup. If you're using canned peaches you can either use the peach/syrup combo in place of the water and sugar, or for a sweeter dish, use the peaches and syrup with a half cup of sugar for a thicker and sweeter syrup.

Mix flour, sugar, cinnamon, and milk in a separate bowl. Add the milk slowly and stir with a fork to prevent clumping.

Once the peaches are ready, remove the heated dish with the melted butter from the oven and pour the flour mixture directly on top of the butter. Do not stir it, and don't worry about mixing things, the flour will rise around the edges of the pan while baking and create the crust for you. After the flour mixture has been poured on top of the butter, spoon the peaches into the bowl and then slowly pour the remaining mixture into the pan. Again, don't mix anything. Simply place the pan in the oven and bake for approximately 35-40 minutes. About halfway through remove the pan and sprinkle the brown sugar on the top layer, then place it back in the oven to continue baking. You'll know when it's done when the top is just barley crunchy and a golden brown. I like to let the oven "bake down" the last ten minutes or so of the baking process. It keeps the breading softer for longer. Remove from the oven, cool, and serve with ice cream or whipped cream!

I hope you who venture to try this enjoy it! Happy holidays!

How To: Ask Yourself the Hard Question

One of the hardest things to do in life is to be completely honest with yourself. It's so pain staking and difficult because we hate to answer the questions we fear to ask ourselves. What do we do when a loved one dies? Am I really good enough for that promotion? Does that special someone feel the same way about me? These are all questions we hate to ask because most of us are afraid of the negative answer. If the answer is "be lost," "no," or "really really no" then we feel like our existence has been obliterated. We feel like the framework upon which we've built the foundation of our lives is literally eroding beneath us and there is nothing we can do. It's life threatening. It's scary.

So, how do we ask ourselves the hard questions?


We muster up all the courage and confidence possible, we breathe deep, exhale, and commit to asking what scares us most. When the answer comes, either from inside ourselves or externally from the great unknown, it comes. What I mean by that is the answer already exists. What will happen will happen no matter the amount we worry, the sorrow we feel, or the pity we indulge in. What will happen will happen. We're afraid to ask the hard questions because we're afraid of the negative hard answers. Pity the man who forgets that a coin is two sided. There's a positive that can answer our questions, there could be a light at the end of the tunnel. To ask ourselves things we fear we must employ courage, plan for misery, and hope for bliss.

How To: Get A Laugh

If you've ever spent more than five seconds around me you know one thing for sure... I like to laugh and don't take things too seriously. I think that laughing brings out the best in people, it's when the soul really shines through and sparkles. A laugh and a smile can change the pace, brighten a room, and even save lives. Just imagine if Hitler smiled more... I can see it now... a little smirk starts to form under the all-too-oppressive moustache -- a quiver and twitch of his eye -- and then rolling laughter, side cramping, doubled over laughter... and WWII never happened. Hitler didn't want to be oppressive, he just needed to hear a good dick joke.

Ok, that may not be the whole story, but you get the point. Laughter is the cheapest form of entertainment and there is nothing better to lift your spirits.

So how do you get a laugh?


I'm not sure about the process for great comedians/comediennes like Kathy Griffin, Lewis Black, or Robin Williams, but for me, the laughs I get are just from being myself -- and that's a hard feat, considering the amount of nonsense that is constantly running through my head.

I do and say things that I think are funny. It's really very selfish but I do it or say it for my own amusement, not really for the amusement of others. If someone is around and they laugh, then great, I've brightened someone's day. If not, I'm still laughing... always on the inside and sometimes on the outside.

So this quick little snippet is just to say that if you want to have others laugh with you or because of you, just roll with what you think is funny and you'll surely bump into someone who finds it equally as hilarious.

How To: Ride the Train

This isn't so much a philosophical entry as it is more of an actual bit of advice, so with that said, here it goes...

How do you ride the train? 

For the sake of time I'll throw the answer into a list, not a narrative, so it's easier to read...

1. Pack appropriately. Don't just consider the weather when you're packing your bags, keep in mind your mode of travel, where you can store your luggage while traveling, and how feasible it is to carry it around with you. Chances are you're not going to want to lug around a suitcase through the city, so pack light and smart in a bag that you wouldn't mind walking around with for a mile or two. Personally I prefer a hiking-type backpack or small duffel bag. 

2. Buy the cheaper stand up ticket if it's available. There's usually an extra seat or a "flip down" you can sneak into. If not, you've always got luggage holders on trains where you can sit and other random little places that others usually don't think of. Save the money and do the stand up.

3. Make sure you are all on time. We like to think that the train, bus, plain, etc will wait for us, but in reality it won't. You buy your ticket in advance which means you've already paid and the driver could probably care less if you're on the train or not because his company already has your money. Give yourself plenty of time to get to your mode of transportation so you're not stuck buying multiple tickets. 

4. Sleep when you can if traveling late, but don't forget to set an alarm or have a buddy wake you up. Unless you're traveling to the final destination of the train you're going to have to get off before the end of the line. So relax and sleep but just make sure that you've got a way to be woken up so you don't miss your turn to get off. 

5. You never know who you're going to run into or meet while traveling, so make sure you're dressed appropriately and comfortably. Your favorite dingy sweats and crocs probably aren't your best bet to be wearing while traveling. What if you bump into your boss, your worst enemy, or even an ex? What ind of image does that send about you? Make sure to take a little personal pride in your appearance while traveling. You'll find that you will almost feel refreshed when getting to your destination rather than feeling exhausted. 

How To: Be Transparent

GI Joe said it, many wise men believe it, and I repeat it. "Knowing is half the battle." In life we always want to be in the know. We constantly seek out a flow of information. From asking your partner "what are you thinking" to going online to CNN for news, we're constantly seeking out information as validation to our lives. We want to have visibility of as much as possible. When someone says "we need to talk" or something of the sort we immediately want to know what about. We're a knowledge driven species. We always want to know more.

A large part of knowledge is understanding. I could read every manual on quantum physics in dual universes but just because I've been exposed to it doesn't mean I know it. There has to be comprehension and understanding for knowledge to exist.

So what's my point, what does this have to deal with being transparent? Well, the point is for others to know you, to understand you, you have no other choice than to be transparent. Politicians are afraid to do it, lovers refuse, and friends usually choose not to. But being transparent is the easiest hard thing you'll ever do. You just become an open book without limits. You talk about everything, you expose yourself completely, and you allow others to know you... once you've done this, once you've become visible from all angles, transparent, then others will understand.

But how do you become transparent?


You open up. Whether you're trying to get your point across to a group of peers or trying to express your love to someone you just have to open up. Lay your thoughts, feelings, your everything on the table for them to see. You can't make judgements for them, you can't anticipate what others will think. The only way to be transparent is to bare it all and let everyone see what you're thinking and who you are. You'll find that others will respect you for being so open and able to communicate your intentions, emotions, and thought process. It's not the easiest thing to do, but once you begin the journey of transparency you'll never want to live any other way.

An added bonus to being so open is that you'll find that you won't have any skeletons in your closet. If you're truly open then others will know all of the dimensions of who you are, not just the good. No one can harm you when you talk about and admit your own faults, failures, and disappointments. And what's better is that once you are so open you won't want to have faults, failures, or disappointments and you'll shy away from these things because of the image you want to portray of yourself.

To get others to understand you... you have to be open, you have to communicate, and you have to be (in a sense) vulnerable. Transparency is a great life concept, try be a little more "see through" with your life and see how it works, I bet you're going to like how it feels.